Monday night I broke a tooth. Luckily, I already had an appointment for Tuesday, so that was happy. The tooth could be crowned, rather than yanked or replaced with an implant, happy again.
But the assistant stuck her foot in her mouth, and she's so nice, I feel bad for her.
She had me captive, gauze and mold-making goo in my mouth, water running down my back from the irrigator they use with the drill. She asked me if I'd ever written a children's book.
I told her no, I don't have kids, never was around them much, I wouldn't know where to start.
She's uber-Christian, by the way, and I've known this for the past three or four dental visits. So I'm pretty sure I know what's coming.
And yup, there it was: I should write children's books preaching to kids about how they shouldn't smoke, drink, pierce themselves, get tattooed or do any of the things they're tempted to do, of which a good Christian woman would dissaprove.
Wow, does that sound boring. But that's beside the point.
So she says all this, and removes some gauze, and my hair falls behind my ear. She notices then I have three holes in my earlobe. She squints, says nothing, and wipes off my face. She really is a lovely woman to have poking around in your mouth, she's very good at her job and always happy. And she believes me when I say, ouch! I'm not numb yet! More drugs!
So she keeps on, and talks about tattooing some more. Then I get out of the chair, and because I've just had my hair chopped off, she sees the tattoo on the back of my neck. (Luckily, she missed the big on one my leg.) Her eyes get huge, and I can tell she's so embarassed.
As I'm paying my bill, and telling her how relieved I am that my tooth could be fixed and not yanked, she says goodbye, come back soon, all this, four or five times. Her face was beet red. I wanted to tell her not to worry about it, really, I don't think kids should do permanent things to their bodies either, but I was afraid I'd make it worse. I'm good at that. Too good, often.
Stinks, though, cause I wanted to tell her not to be embarassed.